ephie

Victoria's Bushfire - Black Saturday, 7th feb 2009, a "Hell on Earth"

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 15:04:34 GMT

well... the weather in melbourne last week has been crazyy... it was extremely hot. 43 degrees and above for 3 consecutive days, and according to the news, this situation happened centuries ago..!! damn...

and because of the heatwave, there are many bushfire in the rural areas. well it does happen every year, but not like this since the "ash wednesday" in 1980s... this time, they call it "black saturday", 7th feb 2009. the fire covers almost 20,000 hectares and killed more than 200people at the moment.. and the death toll could reach 300ppl since so many people has not been found...

last thursday, my ex-housemate texted me, asking whether i still remember ko dean, his cousin. and he ask me to pray for him to be found. i was so confused what he said, and he gave me the newspaper link http://www.theage.com.au/national/fears-for-indonesian-students-20090211-84t3.html . I'm stunned and shocked...

I really still cant believe what i just read. i just cant imagine, one of the many people that has gone missing in the bushfire is my friend, who used to be living under the same roof as me... life is so damn unexpected.... they were just going for a road trip to relax, and didnt know that there's a bushfire goin on.. and the next thing, they're missing....

the fire is damn scary.. average bushfire is around 50-100 m and if its keep goin on, it can be 100-200m... however, last saturday it burn 1km-1.5km... and it can travel to 15km!! they said that the heat from the bushfire is around 60000-80000 Kilo Watts/ Meter square... which means, it can light up the WHOLE VICTORIA for 2 years!!!!

town of marysville has suffered the most. marysville has been wiped out of the map because of the fire, just like the town in US that was wiped out by Katrina...its a "HELL ON EARTH" down at marysville. the town of healesville almost gone too... the city used to be soo beautiful, and now its a view of disaster... luckily that the Healesville Sanctuary, the only sanctuary that has platypus, does not affected yet even though its still in the danger zone.

i feel like i have to do something, but i dont know what... the only way i could do is give donation and pray for them to be found... hopeless and sadness, a mix emotion that i felt when watching the news about the bushfire... so many people has lost their homes, families, and everything....

how could they do that... i really hope the arsonist that create this "hell on earth" is captured and punished severely. its a mass murderer.. since they create a hell on earth, i wish that they should enjoy and rot the real hell!!!

bete bete bete.....

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:13:49 GMT

duh.. ini last months gw di sini kok bete banget yaa.. terutama masalah rumah nehh.. bener bener dee...

si vicky tai lah itu orang... ddnya dateng, dia ngak bilank kalo bakal skola sini, cuman bilang kalo cuman jalan jalan doank... trus dah gituh rent nya ngak mao dinaekin.. enak aja itu orang... bener bener ngak punya otak apa yah.... trus dah gituh bill rumah ini skr mahall banget... ephie aja kena ampir 150... si vic berdua + telpon total2nya yah kira kira 500 lah... gituh dia ngak percaya... taon lalu ephi yang pegang bills... cuman skr udah ngak sanggup, jadi suruh si dan yang ngurusin... trus masa dia bilang ke dan kalo dia ngak bisa bayar, bilangnya kalo misalnya minta dibayar, pilih salah satu... rent ato bill.. enak aja kalo ngomonk... ngebetein orang de itu.... skr ephie lagi mo cari cara buat nendang dia...

trus masalah si dan... yah emank sih anak nya cincai2, trus kalo ngomonk emank rada sombong2 gitu... tapi ya udah lah ya, toh ephi juga ada kekurangan... biasa kalo ngomonk biasa, dikira orang nada ngak enak, ato tiba2 lagi moodswing... *sigh*... yah trus ephi juga ngerasa kalo misalnya ngak mo ngelabrak vic secara langsung, yah minta si dan labrakin... ehh si dan juga begitu, kalo ngak mo ngelabrak vic langsung, dia ngomonk ke ephie.. akhirnya kita bedua ngak ada yang ngomonk.. coward sih emank... tapi, apa yang dia mo labrak ke vic, kadang tuh bener2 ngak ada sangkut pautnya sama ephie... huh.. sebel de... trus dia bilang mau judes2an... yah biar lah kalo dia lebih judes dari ephie.. emank knapa coba... namanya juga gay yah judes lah semua, crewet juga... trus yah, kita emank setuju kalo pindah bareng... trus kemaren ini udah liat2 en ada inspection.. nah hari itu emank ephie lagi baru tidur subuh jem 3-4an gituh buat assignment ama blajar buat test jadi ephie ga bisa bangun. si dan udah bangunin cuman ephie ga kuatt bangun, masi ngantuk banget.... yah udah akhirnya dia pergi sendiri... trus dah gituh dia juga bilang kalo tempatnya ngak bagus ya udah de... so, ya udah ephie cari2 yang laen.. tapi ga dapeet gitu... ya udah donk, dari lagak si dan, dia kayak mau ngak mau pindah gituh.. padahal kemaren ini dia bilang, kalo bisa ngak jadi pindah dulu dee, gituu.. trus ya udah donk ephie ngak cari2 lagi... masa ari ini tiba2 dia bilang mo pindah... maunya apa sih itu anak...

blakangan ini si dan emank lagi deket sama si cecep.. pasti mreka orang ngomongin ephie... bener bener de... emank mreka kira ephie bego apa yah ngak tau gituan.. namanya si dan gitu loh, dia kan pasti ngomongin orang, walopun temen deket... dulu dia crita apa aja ke epi, skr dia crita nya ke si cecep.. kemaren ini dia ketauan, dia bilang lagi maen sama anton, huh, dia kira ephie ga tau kalo dia boong... biasanya kalo maen sama anton, dia slalu crita molo ampe hampir detailnya... yg kemaren ini enggak crita apa apa.. trus ya udah lah ya ephie diem aja, lagian ngak ngurus... trus pas komputer ephie lagi rusak, ephie pake komputer dia.... dia lagi ceting sama si cecep, kebuka ituh chatlog nya.. dia bilang ke cecep kalo dia lagi maen sama bule n bilang ke cecep kalo ephie ngak usa tau... ihh... ngapaen juga ephi mo tau... kepo ya kepo tapi masa sampe segitunya....

tadi kita ke safeway blanja.. trus dah gituh kan emank kita blanja gantian... klo blanja seh jarang beli cemil2an gitu de.. dah gituh dia dia beli listerin gede, cemilan, sikat gigi, n sup kaleng... ephie cuman bilang itu enak ga, soalnya ephi perna coba yang laen nga enak... trus biasa lah dia sok tau bilang enak, ephie ga yakin kalo dia uda coba... soalnya dari dulu emg kayak gituh, dia slalu bilang enak enak tapi belon perna coba, tapi lagaknya ituh kayak udah coba, kek beli bumbu pecel merek mataram kemaren ini... ephi tanya enak ngak ini, dia bilang enak kok... trus dah gituh ya udah donk ephie beli... trus pas ephie masak, dia nyobain n dia bilang kalo ini merek enak juga yah... nah brarti kan belon perna nyoba.. dihh.. mo nya apa sih... nah trus yang pas di safeway tadi.. emank ephie lagi moodswing gitu de.. ga tau kenapa.. trus ephie tuh lagi bingung banget ini mo pindahan ato engga... pengen nya pindah sendiri aja gitu biar ngak repot2... nah trus, tadi mungkin nada ephie emank lagi ngak enak, ephie tanya dia jadi mo pindah ngak, kalo ngak ephie tinggal sendiri, ato kalo ngak si vicky di usir, bebe ama ricky mo masuk kamar si vicky... trus dia bilang, yah kalo 850 yah ayo aja... padahal ngak sampe seminggu dia bilang ngak mau pindahan dulu... maunya apa seh tu anak...

trus itu tadi, dia kepergok lagih.. ephie lagi pake pake komputer dia, trus kebaca msn cecep lagi... dia ngomongin ephie di blakang... dia bilang ke cecep mo pindah aja ama dia... gimana ephi ga sakit ati coba digituin... trus dia bilang ke cecep kalo ephie ngak mo ikut inspection kemaren ini, ngomongnya ksar de pokoknya.. sakitnya lagi neh, dia malah yang nawarin cecep buat yang nyari2in rumah gituh.. yah jelas lah si cecep langsung bilang kalo dia bakal temenin inspection... rese juga si dan...

dulu padahal dia suka ngata2in connie dll, kalo mreka orang ituh suka ngomongin orang, suka backstab gituh gituh... tapi padahal dianya sendiri ngak ngerasa kalo dia tuh juga ngomongin di blakang orang... hmphhhhhhhh.... bener bener dee... bisa stress lama lama kalo kayak gini..

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:43:19 GMT

"when we left our country, and our parents, and our life, to live in another country.. we (consciously or unconsciously) changed. Our lifestyle, the way we think, the way we live, and everything changed. I feel that I almost lost my privacy and my freedom" toto

i agree...

friend....

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 19:42:18 GMT

its 5 am in the morning...
i cant even sleep....
i'm not sleepy at all...
after browsing through my albums....
i just feel like writing something...
something that there is no simple or complicated description that fits well...
"F-R-I-E-N-D-s"
a word that have thousands of meaning...
a situation that cannot be represent well in any form...
just like love....

for me,

friends are people who....
you can share your ups and downs with;
always give you a hand when you're in trouble;
listen to your gossip or story about ur life and experiences;
accept you as who you are right now, whether you're a fool, funny or even annoying;
will help you out without expecting anything in return;
are always stay by your side even though you were hated by the others;
listen to you no matter how boring or interesting your story is;
will company you doing silly things;
support your back when no one does;
always believe in you when no one believes in you;
and
always be with you forever even miles apart
their names and all the good and bad memories you've shared together
were engraved in your heart

bottom line,..
i've had so many friends...
i'll never get tired of making new friends...
because everyone needs a friend...
human can't live alone...
don't be afraid of making new friends...
just be who you are, strong and confident...
bear in mind that.....

"every friend, was once a stranger"

Thu, 24 May 2007 02:18:27 GMT

Well.. its Thursday and tomorrow, another Friday has come… as usual, home alone on Friday nights… my other housemates have this church thingy every Friday… BOTH of them! Even tho they went to different church… yea yea yea… there is nothing I can do ALONE in Friday nights… movies? Well that might be a good idea.. but… hmm…. Its kinda ironic isn’t it? Watching Big Brother Friday Nights LIVE!!! Can u imagine hahaha… Argh… hopefully my new housemate, have no church thingy on Friday… if she have, means I need to go to church…if I didn’t go, it seems like they’re the angel, and im the devil… hahaha… red with horn and tails like a hell boy… muahahaha… *evil laugh*….. I must come up with a plan on what are the things that I can do ALONE on Friday nights… not thinking about perverted… haha… I guess I’ll just do my assignments… *sigh*.. 3 assignments due next week… I hope I can cope with that…

Besides planning, Im also pist with someone… someone that is close to me, well, he helped me with my moving.. not a lot, but yeah.. he helped, even though he crashed his own car in the pillar.. haha very funny rite.. big pillar but he cant see… wat the hell… ok and so he thinks that he’s so important, its like me and my other housemates cant do anything without him. Fuck off dude… argh…. Well it started last Thursday… he came to my house from work (he usually does this almost everyday except this week) and got sick… I cooked him a meal, then I take care of him… take a clean cloth and bowl of cold water and put it on his forehead until his temperature cool down… well I think it was already 1 am. I don’t want to disturb him, because we are squeezing 3 people in queen-sized-bed, so I slept outside with my warm blanket… then early in the morning he woke me up and I cant go to sleep anymore… oh if he’s sick he became quiet, and if he’s well he’s annoying… so he’s healthy, means annoying… and then he went to work… I feel kinda relief at some point but terrible at the same time, because if he go, means Im alone (haha)… then in the afternoon he came again, but went home and did not stay over… and then, on Saturday, he came over again because I need help for setting up the internet… well it wasn’t my fault that I cant set it up, its because of the TPG’s fault. So I need someone who’s experienced, and since he called and offer some help, I didn’t refuse… while he’s having fun with the computer and my modem, I thought I cook them some meal, so that when he finished setting up, we all can eat together…I don’t have any ingredients left in my fridge, so I cook him noodles with egg. So we ate, and after that he continues having fun with the modem and the TPG’s operator… and when he finished.. me and yurike was so relieved…. So we start using our internet… I was sitting in the dining table (because that’s where the modem is, since we didn’t have wireless yet), and he went to the bathroom… he said he’s still hungry, then yurike made him a sandwich… while waiting, he kneeled on the chair beside me.. and then he BIT MY HEAD… wtf!! !@#$% I was so shocked and angry… I scoled him for being disgusting… I mean.. what the hell?? Bit my head? Ewwwww its grosssssss…. I pushed him away… and the evil part of me really wish that he’d fall from the chair backwards and suffer from pain… FUCK… im so pist at him… dammit… GFAG man….! Go Fuck A Goat! He didn’t even say sorry!!!!!! Wat the fuck he wants… no respect for me? In fact, he bit yurike in the hands as well.. fuck man.. is he kind of animal or something? A dog? Man I had enuff of him…

Also, the other thing that I had enuff of… he is a two-faced man… especially when he talks to girl, asking about something, and acting cute by using his name if he’s telling a story for us…. He ask with a soft voice then posing innocent looks like when a kid is asking about something, and then when he’s not asking or sumthing, he talks so loud… damn… he thinks that he got small voice is it… he always talk in people’s ear.. BURP so loud… its disgusting!!!!!!!!!!! I told him its disgusting but he still did it… fuck…. Annoying SOB….

I was wronggg… really wrong about him… well when I first know him, I like him… its because he dress up smart and well he’s a gentleman (at that time)…. Well I admit, I did have a crush on him.. its just a crush… and we become bro and sis, and then we get to know each other and in the end, he’s such an asshole…

Yea yea yea… another friend gone… I cant believe it.. people are nice from the start and then rotten in the end… everytime is like that, there is something about them that ticks me off, when we get close and I get to know a lil bit more about them… *sigh* I think im somekind of an alien or something… hadi is gone from my friends list… and now andre… tragic.. ahaha…. So yeah.. end up with my girls in the west coast… lalala… argh… I hope by writing things down I might forget about it… well at least when I saw him I get amnesia about what happened…. If I still cant, that means I have to say it in front of his face, just like what Siska said ‘jurus JUDES’ heaehaehaoehao… because that’s what I’ve been doing lately with her….

Life is full with experience isn’t it… gloomy, excruciating, embarrassing and blissful moment everyday… and for me, embarrassing moments are the only thing that I could remember.. the latest one was last week.. I was with Siska, and we were heading towards the common room. We looked around and found a spot for both of us. We were facing each other, she look at her left and I was sitting down.. my chair was crooked, then slowly it went down, bending to the floor.. I was laughing like shit, and still she didn’t notice.. when she was looking in front of her, she cudnt find me and she shout my name… I was below the table, with the crooked chair beneath me, laughing until I cried… I guess many students saw me, but I didn’t give a shit bout it… then siska found me, shocked, and she laugh her head off, she didn’t even help me because she cant move her body because of the laughter… she laughed so hard until tears shed her eye… I can feel my face is hot and red because of the stupid chair and my own stupidity, but I couldn’t imagine how people are looking at me… seeing my face so red and ready to blow… haha… I don’t have the guts to look around, I just sit to a new chair besides Siska.. and yes, I was so embarrassed and keep my head down on the table, and Siska still laugh… dammit… and then a group of Koreans and Japanese came to the common room, they went to their friends table.. and the friends at the table was telling a story about ME, they also point at me and the chair… and they laughed soo hard… OMG… I feel like having a plastic surgery… well people usually go out and never be seen again, but me, I sat there and make a fool of my self with siska… I still cant believe that I did that… then my groupies came, and they ask about the chair. Siska was saving my ass from them. I just sit there, holding my breath. All she says was ‘its just another broken chair’… and then I burst into laughter again… damn…

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 14:01:09 GMT

ga nyangka si hansen orang nya kek gituh... sok sayang sok baek sok jujur sok SETIA... padahal itemm tu hati itemmmm!

fine gw emank ada cheat sama cewe... tapi elo lebih parah.... knapa juga dari awal ak harus paksa2in percaya sama orank kayak kamu... udah jelas jelas ga bisa ngelupain si DEWI... hahaha.. DEWI-lu... ngehek lah dia...

udah banyak yang ga suka sama dewi... ahaha... sapa yang suka? temen dked aja kaga suka.... hahaha sampe segitunyaa tuu... liatin noh gayanya... ahahhaa.... ahaha... i said she's such a bitch... well im no different than her... ephie terima aja kok kalo orank ngatain ephie bitch, whore, slut or wutever.. ahaha... cuz it'll just makes my life easier talking to people... ahhaa...

ga nyangka dia jadi ketularan tu cewe... ahaha... orank jelas jelas dia masi sayang, gitu masi bilang engga... goblok banget jadi orank... ada rasa sayang kok malah dipendem2... ga cowonya ga cewenya... goblok semua... udah goblok, jaad lageeh.... mendem2 feeling, trus jadian sama cewe laen.. trus cewenya ditinggalin... hahah.. cowo apaan tuu.... suruh milih pacar ato mantan, malah lebih milih mantan.. hahahaha... geblek aje.....

yah emank seh waktu ephie ngeliat foto2 ituh, ephie sempet nangis.. sakit ati banget... tapi yah for what gituh... toh kita juga udah putus.... dianya juga ga sincere gituh... jadian ama gw cuman mo manfaatin gw jadi pelarian? ahahaha... well i know, itu pemikiran yang salaaahh banget.. tapi namanya pikiran gitu, mana bisa di empetin seh.. ahahha.... who gives a shit lah ya... toh ephie juga bego ngapaen ngeliatin files nya dia.. ahah... privacy kan.... tapi kalo ngak diliat gimana ephie mo tau....

dari awal ephie uda ga percaya.. dari awal dia bilank dia yang memutuskan.. lah kalo ephie ga cari tau ndiri.. i live in darkness rite... argh fuck...

ternyata pacaran sama hansen emank ga guna... sia sia de smua feeling ephie... hmph... bener kan kata ephie, hatinya dia cuman buat si dewi dari awal... yang laen mana bisa masuk kalo kek gituh... orank pacaran ma ephie aja, poto2 dewi masi ada di dompetnya.. gilakkk sakit mann kalo ephie ngeliat.... gitu juga dia GOBLOK.. kaga punya feeling yah... heahhea... trus juga di hp juga masi ada poto tu cewe.... ahaha... bener bner de... cinta mati.. udah dibantuin nyadarin dirinya kalo sama si dewi cinta mati, malah marah2 balik.. bego lah.....

past is past... whatever happened in the past, let it be our expirience.. and from that expirience, we shud get better in the future.. eahoehaoea.. this is exactly what i said to hayik.. muahahaha... well sekali sekali ephie jadi orang keren yang bisa kasi kata kata keren gitu...

yah gini ini de, kalo ephie lagi emosi.. keluar de smua pikiran pikiran yang ga bener.. haoehoahoe negatiivee semuanya bokk.. hohoho... dah lah.. walopun skr ephie masi emosi, masi pengen marah, masih sedih, masih ngerasa kayak orank idiot.... moga mogaa semua ini bisa cepet dilupain lagih.... Amin!

biarpun uda basi, egp? hahaha....

FUCK U!

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:17:36 GMT

i shudnt have opened his files.... i know i shudnt... but im curious... and i found something... somethings that i shudnt see... pictures... he made a compiled pictures.... HER pictures and not me... it was modified on the december 27th, before we broke up... before we had problems... HOW COULD HE...!!?!?! FUCK YOU!

fuck... i was right.. i shudnt trust him... i cant trust him... he still fell in love with her... and fuck, why i forced myself to believe him!.. i feel like an idiot... all those times......, where i tried so hard to trust and believe in him, just gone like that....

those feeling that i feel for him, and things that i might've done something for him.. are useless... it didnt mean anything for him... fuck! instead, he still think about her... fuck.. im an idiot...

dammit... i was right all this time.... damn!

it hurts....

back to melb

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 08:03:06 GMT

heheh back in melb... heoahoea.. sebelon balek... yah gitu dee... ga jadi sama ko febri.. gara gara ada yang ganjel sama omongan dia..... trus trus ephie jadi ceting2 lagii.. ahahaha... lucu dee.. yang ini namanya hayik.. kneel dari fs aja sih.. trus dah gituh msn.. trus ternyata nyambung... kokonya dia ituh temen nya cc iparku.. trus trmen temen dia itu juga temenku.. nah loo.. ponakan ku sama ponakan dia ituh 1 skola.. ehaheahea apa apaaan ini.. nyambuunngg...... truss ternyataa, koko hayik yang punya hugo's, cc nya yang punya fantasia... hahaha sangarrr sangar... jadi yah, blakangan ini sms aaannn molo ama hayik... dalem 2 hari sms udah 100!! hueakekakea.. parah nda tu.... trus trus ada lagi satu, kenalan sama anak jayapura... namanya cendra.. lumayan seh anak nyaa.. eahoehoahoea pnya lesung pipit dualem bangett.. nyebelin.. ephie pas itu lagi error, jadi urad malu dah putus, jadi pas webcam an ngomonk apa adanyaa.. eahehhea... kasian dee dianyaa.. ga tau de kesinggung apa ndak.. trus akhire yah sms2an pisan....trus pas kemaren mo brangkat, ephie mandi di bukit mas rumah emak... dia ternyata juga tinggal di bukit mas... dia ngeliat ephie dari dalem ruma dan ephie nda tau dia di mana.. sebel de.. tapi pas itu ujan ujan sih.. ehehehe....

kalo sama si hayik... enak sih nyambung nya lebih banyak.. dulu dia perna skola di singapur.. trus ke melben.. heaheha.. duhh yang kita omongin, makanan makanan and makanan!!! ehaheah.. tempet2 mana di melben ama di singapur.. ntar ini malah janjian mau ke singapur bareng ntar... takudnya ngak dibolein sama mami.. tapi yah liat aja de ntar.. ehhee.. duhh pengenn.. jalan2 bareng sama si hayik... kemaren ini harusnya mo ketemu.. tapi ngak jadi, soale kk nya nga jadi ke malank.. eaoeoea.. hayik umur nya 27 nih taun.. ehahahe... sama kek ko febri umurnya... ehehe.. trus pokoknya seruuu bangett.. kita sama sama food loverr.. ampe tau tau makanan yang ada di slempitan2 slempitan.. ehaoeoahea.... yah moga2 our friendship will lasts deehh... ehehe... yang lebih lucu lagih.. tanya ce sisil ttg hayik, sejem kemudian, lengkap info2nya.. ttg kluarga en cewe2nya.. hueakeakekake parah parah parah... ehehehe....

trus sebelon ephie balek.. ga tau darimana ephie denger kalo msialnya dewi ituh banyak yang ngak suka.. ahaha..... im kinda relieved... ada yang ampe perna ngusir dia dari rumah tu orank.. ahehaheahea.... bner bener ngakak dengernyaa.. sampe separah itu kah?? katanya sih.. ini orang yang punya rumah, lagi enak enak nonton teve, trus remote nya langsung diambil ama si dewi.. trus trus yah yang punya rumah marah marh gtuh.. trus yah keknya seh ampe diusir.. eahehahae..... ga tau lagi deh.... bener bener dee... pokoknyaa skr yang ephie tau, buanyaaakk orang yang ga sukaaa.. eaheaheahaehea.... ya udah lahh mo diapain.. ephie aja ga suka... eahheahea... mungkin bias kali yah tapi yah.. orank yang sabarr sekalipun, yang buaeeekk banget, yg ga ada tampang buat benciii dia.... bisa bisanya buenciii banget sama dia.. eahehahea.. sukurrrr.... ekekeke... ya udah lahh... namanya orank bo cengli.. aehahehaea...

tadi pagi, ephie sepesawat sama ming ming, tri, dani, marmut... eheh trus trus ada 1 co namanya jeffry.. kata papi dia masi ada family, malahan pangkatku lebih tua.. dia manggil ephie ai harusnya.. ahahah pdhl tua an dia gituh.. ehehehehe dia itu ponakan nya suk hongwat.. ehehhe.. yahh begituh dee.... dia skola di monash caufield sih.... ehhe cakeepp.. tapi yah biasa2 aja.. ngak gaullll!! ekekekeke.. ato malu kali yah.. lucu de pokoknyaa.. trus truss yang parah nya lagiii..... kita pake baju KEMBARRR!! heuakeakea.. polooo shirt yang ada gambar polo nya gede.. ehaehahea.. lucuu dee.... dia anak petra 2... harusnya seh kenal sama dani richard mreka orank.. tapi kok malah ga kenal.. anehh.. ntik aja deee di liat2 laigh.. ehoahoea.. ga tau naama panjang sapa.. harus cari 1 1 di fs deehh.. ehehhee...

eniwei, rambut ephie dibilank norakk!! ehoaheoahoea.... liak aja de ntar... komen anak anak laen.. ehehhe.... btw, ephie kangeeen banget sama marvel n feishyaa.. tapi feishya lebih kangen.. soalnya marvel ga bisa diajak ngomonk... kalo feishya masi bisa.. hihihih... huuu kangen.....

panasssss bangetttttttt...................

stoopit cockroach again!!!

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 17:43:34 GMT

Duh betee.. ada kecoak di kamar ephie.. sebel sebel sebel.. wth dee… masa yah, dulu ada belalang, skr ada kecoak… macam apa pulak ini.. ephie jadi takudddd… hic hic hic… huh.. kecoaknya she dari kamar si koko… ephie lagi ntn glenn fredly, koko langsung smprot sumthing di kamarnya.. ephie kira itu parfum.. ehaheahea… ternyata HIT!!! Trus pas ephie dah mo bobo.. keknya kecoaknya masuk ikut ephie dee.. soalnya ephie abis masuk, duduk di dpn komp, trus ada kecoak lewat.. ephie diem ajaa…. Trus ephie keluar panggil koko.. koko langsung kasi ephie hit sama alat buat mukul laler yang gede plastic itu… ephie heran kok dia bisa adaa… trus dia ambil hit dari kamarnyaa.. ephie jadi binun lagii… trus yah gituh ephie tanyaa.. kecoak e dari kamarmu taa? Dia angguk2.. sialan… trus ya udah ephie ga bsia bobo… diem aja… toleh kanan kiri blakang… biar kecoak ngak dating deketin ephie.. tanpa disadari, kecoaknya udah di deket telpon ama laptop ephie.. which is cuman 50cm dari kaki ephie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alhamdulilah… ephie kagetttt keluar ambil pukulan laler algi sama hit… trus itu kcoak masuk ke tempet parfum2 ephie.. trus keluar lagi… pas keluar, ephie semprot hit sebanyak banyaknyaa.. ahahaha.. tetep ga mo kluar.. ephie tungguin ga sampe semenit, kecoaknya jalan, keluar kamar ndiri.. pas nyampe luar, ephie langsung injek sampe mletet….. langsung ephie tendang gatau kemana.. besok suruh mbak cariin de… trus dah gituh.. ephie lega de…

Ephie trus duduk depan komp lagii ngeliat lagi ada kecoak lagi di samping cpu, atasnya modem.. ephie langsung lompat mundur trus treak… for awhile ga ada respon.. trus ephie ambil pukulan laler.. pukul kecoaknya di deket mouse…. Sampe mati dah… trus papi mami kebangun…. Tanya ada apa.. ephie udah ngempet ga nangis en ketawa bilank ada kecoa… mami marah pas liat monitor masi nyala.. katanya jem segini belon tidur.. ephie jadi sungkan neh.. ephie bilank lagi.. lha ada kecoa gimana ephie mau tidurr…. Pdhl ephie ntn teve di depan.. ahahha ada class mild on air.. semua lagunya glen fredly… kisah sedih ta berujung sama lagunya januari.. beeehhh enak banget dee.. apalagi yang januarii.. pas banget gituh loo!! Hehehe… eniwei, trus akhirnya kecoak matinya dibawa papi keluar… n mreka balik bobo… hehehe....

Duuhh ephie sunkan neh.. uda ampir jem 12 tuh padahall… trus ephie sms ke smua orank.. sms ko ferry, trus telp ke memet n eveline… trus sms lagi ke malvi n ko feb… ga ada yang bales sama sekalii.. ephie beteee.. trus sms ke suk riadi.. akhirnya dibales!! Ahahah.. seneng dee.. ya udah.. cukup lah ada seorang yang bales sms… trus yah ephie jadi ga bisa bobo.. masi dag dig dug takut soalnya ntar kalo ada yang laen lagi gimana tuh.. hayoo.. ehehhe.. trus yah ephie nulis diari di buku… heoahoea.. sambil ceting sama lala, jojon, n suka.. ehehe… trus ya akhirnya nulis ini dee.. mo mengenang masa masa takud, nangis, senyum dan malu yang dicampur jadi satu.. ekekek… itulah yg ephie rasain barusan ini.. gilaaa matii deee ephie….

Besok mao ikud ce retsy anter nyonyo skola.. ehehe sama si fesya juga.. ekekek.. enak sihh pasti.. tapi ephie bakal kumpul2 jadi ibu rumah tangga de ini.. ekekek.. bahayaa ntar ngerumpi gosip2 sekitar ibu dan anak ini. Haehhaea… palingan juga ntar buntutnya kita makan en curhat2 ajaa.. eheheh ephie kan pengen banget punya cece… dan akhirnya punyaaa… eheheh ada 3 cc.. unik2 de.. cc yang fashion (ling2), cc yang judes (retsy) n cc yang baek (sisil) tapi suaminya jaad (which is my own step bro)… ehaheaheha tapi ephie pasti milih yang baek donk.. ehoahoea…

Duh ephie kok malah jadi biasa aja sama ko feb yah? Ephie jadi bingung.. ephie kan lagi nyoba tarik ulur nih.. soalnya ephie rada ganjel sama omongan ko feb kemaren ini pas terakhir ketemu di sby… haehhea.. gat au de knapa… ephie aja dah bilank sama eveline n hadi.. si hadi kan lebih ngerti ephie, dia bilank what I feel is just a crush.. not love.. ehehe.. soalnya bener bener beda banget sama kek waktu ephie ma si mantan terakhir.. aheahea… bedaa de… ephie kan ga familiar sama feeling itu, tapi kalo yang ini familiar.. berarti ini cuman suka sementara ajaaa… mungkin kali yah.. tapi ya gat au lagi,… sapa tau ko feb emank mulutnya manis or gimana or emank dia sungguhan.. who knows kan.. soalnya ngak ada pihak ke3 yang ngertii ttg kita.. aehaheah.. si malvi kan ngak deket sama si ephie.. ekekke… jadi yah ephie pasrah aja kali yaah… ehehe… pokoknya ntar liat val day aja dee… ephie jadi bingung mau kasi dia apa nih… huh.. apa yaaah? Coklat doank nih? Ato apaa? Binun aaahh…

Huu.. valday ephie kalo sendirian lagi yah uda de apa bule buat.. kalo misalnya sama ko feb juga ephie gat au lagi deee ahh.. uuhh.. jadi bingung.. kalo ko feb tembak valday.. ephie terima ngak yah? Ephie sih yang pasti bakal lebih respect diaa.. soalnya kok keknya ngak pernah ada co yang nembak ephie terang2an gitu.. pdhl kan ephie pengeen.. huuu… yang ada jg dari telp doank… ato kalo ngak cuman bilank sayang2 doank trus tiba2 jadian.. kok ga ada gitu yang ditembak2 bener bener tembak gituu…. Hahaha… ada nya ngawang2 trus akhirnya juga jadian sih.. tapi kan binuunn.. hohohoho… kek si mantan nohh.. kan pada kek gitu semuaaa.. payaaah aaahh….

Tapi kalo sama ko feb.. ephie sih keknya pasti bilank kalo misalnya kita kan emank terlalu cepet neehh.. trus juga yaah ephie gat au jelek dia n dia gat au jelek nya ephie… ehehe.. jadi yah mo ga mau yah kita masi ga bisa liat future gimana.. ahhaa.. keknya ga bakal bisa liat future dee.. its unpredictable.. pokoknya ephie tau apa yang bakal diomongin ke ko feb kalo bener bener begituh.... haha.. eniwei, palingan ada orang yang ngecap ephie slalu nyeleweng or that sort of stuffs… huu.. tapi semuanya ada alesan tersendiri.. walopun ephie tau itu salah… huu.. knapa sih ephie inii… pokoknya ntar liat de sebelon ephie balik gmana.. kalo ga dapet ya udah.. toh ephie kan mo masuk ke holmes.. sapa tau bisa cucimataa.. ekekeke…

Ephie pokoknya harus kerjaa.. biar ntar mei kalo misalnya eveline dating, ephie bisa ikut2 pergii.. ehehe… aaahhh.. eahehahea.. ephie pengen ke whitsundays dee.. keknya bagusss bangett beach nyaa.. ehehe.. ntar bisa poto2 deee ama evelinee waktu mreka di melben… oh ia ephie lupa tanyain ttg aptnya yang di melben.. sapa tau ephie bisa tinggal di sono aja.. ehaoehoahoea… tapi ntar ephie jadi sungkan.. ehehee….

Oh ia tadi ngeliat si james online.. ephie sapa dee.. eheheh tanya2 gituh basa basii.. trus buntut2nya tanyain ttg Vicky gimana.. ephie kan arus minta pendapat orang banyaak neehh… aktanya she anaknya baekk.. tapi yah gituh.. takudnya suka pinjem duit aja.. ephie jadi ngerii seehh.. tapi yah gat au lagi de.. tar liat lagi.. kalo rio mau tinggal bareng ephie yah ntar tinggal ma rio lagi…. Hehehhee….

oh ia... td ephie ntn pelem indo ttg, pacar cadangan.. ekekeke… keren sih jalan critanyaa… ephie demen banget… heaoheoahoea.. felem indo skr bagus2 dee critanyaa... apalagi yang pintu2 hidayah.. eheheh ephie ma nana sering nonton gituan.. bagus sih moral2 nyaa....

In the end, I just wanna say, stoopit cockroach.. stop bugging me, mind your own business and get the hell out of my room… ALL of you dammit!

fallin again?

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 15:06:33 GMT

i think im falling in love again? haha.. its soo fast eh? i guess you'll never be able to predict the future... namanya febri, dia umurnya 27, udah tua sih.. makanya ephie panggil koko febri... dia kokonya feby, pacarnya malvi... petama kenalan sih waktu ephie lagi jaga pameran.. dia kira ephie spg.. tapi ternyata.. hahaha.. lucu dee.... trus dia minta no telp ephie ke malvi, so dia sms an de sama ephie.. trus besoknya dia telp ephie.. sejem!!! trus dah gituh siang nya ephie minta dia dateng, akhirnya dia dateng juga!!! hahaha... bener bener deee.. ephie bener2 tersanjung... ngobrol2 sama ko feb di starbuck.. trus dah gtu ephie kan di suruh balik sama mami.. then yah gitu de... dia anterin ephie sampe pameran.. trus ephie minta dia temenin ephie... dan dia mau ajaa.. awww thats sooo sweet..... sampe papi n mami sampe inget dia yang mana!!!! hahahhaa... duh lucu dee.. trus yah kita sms2an sama telp2 an de ampe skr... heheh...

is this love at first sight?

dia ada nyinggung2 ttg pacaran, merit and living together.. yah maklum sih... dia kan umur 27, jadi uda mature banget and mikir ttg pacaran serius.. welll bukan cari pacar melainkan cari bojo tepatnya... ehehe ephie bner2 seneng de bisa kenalan sama ko feb... hari hari ephie blakangan jadi terisi.... i guess i've moved on... ephie udah lupa sama hansen.. haha i know its kinda fast, tapi yah mo gimana lagih... yahh yang tersisa, cuman feeling sakit ati aja... yah ephie tau deh.. bagi hansen yang lagi baca, mungkin ephie terlalu membesar2kan masalah ato ephie gak mikirin keadaan dia... tapi yah mo gimana lagih.. yah dah lah ephie emank salah.. anggep aja ephie yang salah.. dan ephie ngalah lah, lepasin dia buat si dewi kalo mao balikan... hehe.. pokoknya ko febri skr jadi deket sama ephie dia blg udah siap merit, ephie pun juga.. ahaha... beda 7 taun dee.. ehehehe... tapi ya emank sih, ko feb bisa jadi sangga ephie, soalnya dia kan udah mature udah dewasa, jadi ephie mungkin bisa bergantung sama dia kali yah...

ephie kan bilank kejelekan2nya ephie n kluarga ephie... ephie cuman bilank pokoknya dia bisa terima ephie and kluarga ephie apa adanya, doesnt matter deh.. trus ephie bilank klo ephie masi childish.. rtrus dia juga bilank kalo malvi juga bilank kalo ephie masi kek anak kecill.. ahah ephie sih setuju2 aja.. trus dia bilank 'kalo cari cewe, harus yang lebih muda banyak. soalnya cowo kalo udah tua biasanya slalu ngeliat cewe laen.. trudah gituh kalo misalnya umurnya sama, ntar pas ngeliat pasangan, kok uda tua then bosen, kalo misalnya pasangan masi muda, pasti kan bisa mikir, oh pasanganku masi muda masi cantik kok...' ehehhe make sense sih... ehehe petama kali ephie denger
beginian.. lucu deh anaknya.. dia kok nyinggung2 masalah merit2 molo yah.. ephie jadi rada binun n takud sekaligus seneng soalnya yah ephie,dari dulu cari co yang siap merit tapi kaga dapet.. dan akhirnya skr dapet.. ahaha... parah banget nga sih ephie nih.. trus dah gitu singgung2 masalah anak en tembak menembak.. dia bilang kalo misalnya dia tuh bakal nyari duit slama ephie skola buat masa depan.. ahaha.. ephie langsung merah banget dee.. ehehe ini petama kalinya ephie seneng sama orang surabaya.. not bad... ko febri seh bener bener typical sby guy banget dee.... kurus, kacamataan, rambut disemir, trus kemejaan, pake hp 9500 kalo ga salah.. ehaoehoa.. lumayan dee... dia uda kerja, dia jadi distributor 3M yang bagian kertas.. post it gitu dee... harusnya seh lumayan lah ya dianya.. bukanya ephie matre or gimana... tpi yah kalo kedengaran nya oke lah.. ehehe...

yah ephie cuman bisa pasrah de.. just go with da flow kan? ehehe... moga moga dia nembaknya face to face... en ngak nggantung gituh.. ehahea.. kalo face to face nembak, mungkin ephie lebih bisa menghargai dia kali yah... itu dream ephie dari kecil.. ekeke.. slama ini ngak ada yang nembak ephie face to face gituh.. ahaha.. atao lagi bersama ephie waktu hari2 special, kek ultah ephie or valday.. moga moga aja dia bener bener dateng ke malank waktu valday... ehehe... ephie ngarepin aja dia bisa ke oz.. ehehe buat jalan jalan gituh.. ehahoea... itu kalo dia bener bener serius en mo bela2in ephie.. ahhaha.. trus trus, ga tau ah... kalo dia nga bisa janji, mendingan dia ngak usa ngomonk kali yah? ehhe dripada berharap gede en akhirnya ngak dapet juga pecuma.. sakit ati dee.. ehehe... pokoknya gitu de...

oh iye, ngomong2 di jkt lagi banjir tuh.. si vicky lagi ngungsi ke bandung, si steven di ruma aja, si jeklin kena dikit, trus banyak lagi yang laen dee... kasian deh kalo ephie liat2.. duh pengen nangis de... pengen bantuin tapi ngak tau gimana... huuu ada nga yah yang ada begituan.. hmm... ephie kan barusan dapet gaji dari spg buat pabrik... lumayan gajinya.. ga tau ephie mo pake buat apa... pengen di sumbang, tapi ga mau brupa duit.. pengen nya sih sumbang makanan gituh... tapi ga tau lewat mana.. aaahhh parah deehh... ato ephie simpen aja, biar ephie punya tabungan sendiri...

ephie kangen samaa ko feb.. kok dia blm sms balik yah.. tadi dia tangan nya katanya kena air panas trus sakit... uuh.. nyebelinn kok bisa gituh sehh.... trus dia arus maisong juga... mertua cc nya udah meninggal... jadi mo ga mao dia tiap ari arus kongkow2 sama oom oomm.. eaeaheha....

si eveline dah for gut dari amrik.. asik deehh.. ehehe.. bisa diajakin kluar kalo weekend.. tapi kalo sore gitu seh ga bisa, dia udah mulai kerja di tempat papinyaa... hehe PT Molindo... alkohol gituh.. ener bener tajir dah kluarganyaa.. ehhe soalnya skr dia bakal ngeluarin bahan bakar buat mobil yang bakal jadi environmental friendly.. ehehhe sekeluarga cakep2 smuanya.. dai ko albert, cece sama evelin.. ehaoehoahoea... ko albert pacaran sama callista, cece sama orang jkt, n eveline sama orang bandung.. heoahoeahoe ephie sama orang mana yaah?> heoaheoaoe dari dulu sampe skr.. eveline masi tetep jdi best fren ephie dee...heaheha kemaren kita ada nyinggung2 ttg masalah clash kita dulu.. knapa bisa ga enakan gituh.. trus knapa bisa gegeran.. ahah lucu banget.. ada nyangkut2 ardhie n devina.. eheheh trus ad semua smuanya dee... pokoknya bener bener nostalgia... ehehe...

yah pokoknya seh skr ephie cuman bisa nunggu valday.. eheh ga berharap banyak, tapi yah moga moga aja ada something...

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 18:30:54 GMT

well well well... its been a week since that day... haha... i guess i have to move on... forget bout the past... its not worth thinking about it... had to concentrate on tomorrow's preparation for exhibition... hehe jaga di pameran, moga2 bisa cuci mata dee.. eniwei pameran kan di TP, jadi kalo jenuh bisa jalan jalan kbawah benter buat cuci mata dee.. kan ada anak anak yang bakal dateng.. ehehe... yah moga moga berjalan dengan lancar de.. ini kan first time ephie jaga pameran.. ^^... pokoknya forget bout him, just let him do what he wants, and dont care about his feeling or anything sort of that to his ex, or whatever his ex do to get him back.. haha... its just so funny... well even tho i know its kinda hard to forget about it.. but i had to try.. ehehe liet neeh, ephie putus, uda ga hubungan lagee ma dia.. ahahha nga kayak tu mantan... hehehe...

ephie pas nga ada kerjaan ini kmaren, ke ruma cici.. si ci ivon.. gitu dee, temenya si hansen.. eeee malah ada si titi di sono..a ehahe akhirnua crita2 deee... nga tau knapa ephie malah curhat2 ke titi.. eahehahea... i know hansen is gonna be soo pist hear bout this but hey, its me... i wanna share my problems with someone, unlike him.. always kept it to himself and always thinks that he's right.. ehehe... well i just tell them what really happened.. which is him choosing her instead of me... that is sooo wrong... titi aja bilank dia ngak tegass.. eaheaoheoahae... egp lah si hansen bilank kalo semua yang mutusin dia... ephie mana bisa pecaya lagi sama diaa? even tho we've done some things together... ehehe tetep aja de...

hahhaa... trus, si titi and cici are on my side.. haha... well i guess he;s thinking.. 'wtf this girl! ngomonk seenaknya ndiri, pasti critanya bias, pasti jelek jelekin gw!' hahaha i bet that is exactly what he's thinking.. and prolly dia cuman bisa pendem kali.. ato kalo nga ya bakal dilampiasin de.. ephie udah terima kok.. haha... dia mo bales dendam? mo bales apa? bilank kalo ephie nyeleweng? tapi nyelewengnya sama cewe? hahaha.... who wud believe that? yah mungkin aja sebagian bingung, sebagian pengen pecaya dan sebagian lagi ga pecaya.. ahaha... ehehe apa lagi yah jeleknya ephiee? keknya, gampang pecaya sama orang laen de... padahal ada yang bilank jadi cewe jangan terlalu gampang percayaa... yah ephie kira bisa pecaya sama si hansen.. tapi ternyata mlh begini deee.. aehahea.. yah udah kita putus ya putus, nga usa hubungan kan pasti gampang, soalnya kan ortu2 kita pada ngak kenal.... ehehehe kan dia ngak bisa ninggalin dewi karena ortu mreka pada kenall.. jadi yaah skr mumpung pada ngak kenal, jadi mendingan ga usa kenall.. ekekeke.... kan namanya udah ada sakit ati, pasti ada lubang di ati gara2 ke tusukk... ahhaa luka bakal ada bekas selamanya walopun sudah sembuh (cieeh puitis banget phie!)... haha jadi yah it depends on the situation whether i''ll forget those hurtful feelings....

hmm eniwei... kmaren ephie sms ke ko fer, and then he ask me out with his friends... and so i agreed... ehehe.. dan ternyata temen2 dia ituh sodaranya ephie! hahaha.. parah banget deee... dunia begitu keciill sekaleee... pulang ampe jem 12! hehe.. uda beberapa kali sih pulang jem segitu... trus sebelon ituh, pergi2 sama yuli n knalan sama kuang2... anak anak malang semua de... jadi temen ephie lumayan bertambah lah ya kalo di itung2... ehehe... moga2 ntar bisa kenalan sama anak anak malank yang model laen.. soalnya yang ephie kenal kok modelnya samaaa jaa semuanya... peginya ber 9 orang! ada gun2, henky, ko ferry, ehek, lusi, (lupa namanya), ko john and ko ben.. ehehe.. parah banget deh kmaren.. fun abis.. maen maen petanyaan gituh.. yang kayak itungin nyamuk, nomer telp siapa, black magic and so on... ehehe.. fun banget deeehh!

maen pool di o2 araya wkt ma wowo, ketemu sama ko david yg baru merit sama ci rosa... hehe ganteng de... tinggi, rada ndut, kacamataan, spikey hair, and rapi.. ahaha.. bener bener lao ta... baek lagi dianya.. ngak sombong gituh... trus ephie masi di sapa.. ahaha... aneh ya.... adu mreka tuh couple ganteng en cakep... ci rossa nya cakeep banget deeehh...

ngomong2 soal merid, si johan udah engaged tuhh... tgl 19 kemaren.. hahaa... trus johan ultah aja ephie lupa ucapin.. duh payah ni ahh... ehehe yahh buat johan, smoga bahagia yaah... ehehe.. jangan lupa ephie deee... udah merid ga bole gangguin ce2 laenn okeehh.... ehehe

hari minggu kemaren ke gereja, barengan sama ko xiong, ce sisil n nonik... trus pulang nya ephie kira bakal bisa pegi2 sama ce met en temenya gituh (mao dikenalin ephienya), tapi malah mreka ada janji.. ehehe ya udah dee.. akhirnya cuman kenalan trus makan bakso pak gundhul.. ahha ENAK tenan!!... banget sedepnya.. nah temen yang mo dikenalin ke ephie tuh, namanya suryadi, ok lah tampang nya.. ga tinggi, but im sure 80% that he is gay! hahaha... its soo funny! i cant stop laughing inside my brain... until my stomach hurts... after eat, we went to this small plaza... there is nothing inside... kosong banget.. ada O2 aja... nah petama seh ga maen soalnya mreka ada janji, ee malah ketemu ko xiong dan akhirnya kita maen.. petama mo maen se game, tapi malah ketagihan.. dan ephie menang lawan ko xiong, padahal ko xiong jagoo loh! haehahe...

ko xiong udah banyak berubah sifat2 nya... tho he slapped my mum before and i might not be able to forgive him... yah dianya udah ebrubah banget de... jadi tambah baek gituh... ehehe... ce sisil juga... trus ephie seneng banget cara ce sisil handle si nonik.. ntar kalo dah gede ephie arus contoh.. eheh... well ephie enak sih kalo di liat2... soalnya ada banyak contoh buat calon ibu.. cieeh... yah emank bener sih.. ada ce sisil, ce retsy, n ce ling2... kalo ce sisil orang nya sabar dan telaten, klo ce retsy judes dan ngak telaten.. kalo ce ling2 judes, cakep, norak, sombong and bego.. ahahhaa... kalo fashion, ce ling2 no 1.. dia berani banget pake baju2 seksi en aneh aneh, baju yang biasa dipake ma penyanyi2 gitu dee... trus kalo ce retsy n ce sisil, biasa aja fashion mreka... bener kata orang.. setelah merit, kebuka semua kedok jelek watak seseorang...

oh ia btw, ephie tadi liat liat fs gituh, saking nga ada kerjaaan nya... eheheh trus trus ephie ngeliat fs nya si james.. hahaha... lucu dee... i cant believe i used to fall for that guy... ehehe dia keknya terlalu baek buat ephie... dia udah bener bener sama si april... masi awet tuu mrekaa.. ehehe... lucu aja ngeliat testi si james ke april n april ke james.. ehehe... james kasi kata2 mutiara, si april bilang gombal.. ahaha.. kocak abis... trus tadi juga ephie liat2 fs si willie... eheheh lucu de.. masi tetep paling tinggi dianya.. as usual de... willy gitu lohh...

ntar ephie balek ke melben, bakal bingung nih mo tinggal sama sapa... yang pasti sih sama yurikee... tapi satu lagi ephie ngak tau.. mo sama si vicky ato rio.. ehaheahea... contrast banget kaaannn?? kalo si rio pendiem, ngak bisa nge blend, ngak gaul juga kalo sama ephie, trus dianya selalu di kamar en keknya kagok, cuman enaknya dia bisa dimintain bantuan buat bayar2 gitu trus juga dia nya masi bisa cincai gitu dee.. kalo vicky bener bener kebalikan si rio... vicky banyak temen, trus crewet!, gampang ngeblend ma temen trus juga si vicky anaknya ramee, cuman ntar ephie ngak tau bisa minta dia bantuan gitu ngak yaa.. ehehe.. soalnya ephie kan ngak perna seruma sama orank bener bener dari luar gitu.. ehehe kalo si rio kan temen nya yongker, trus wisnu temen si rio en ternyata anak samarinda.. jadi masi aman aaman aja.. ntar kalo jadi sama si vicky, berarti ephie tinggal sama anak makasar n anak jkt.. ahaha.. multinasional.. eahoehoaa... parah... apalagi kalo si vicky dapet beli mobill.. ahha.. pasti kita ngelayap maen pool molo deeh... ekekekeke....

btw, kemaren ada reuni keluarga.. ketemu sama semuanya dee.. ahahhaa i've just realized that most of my cousin are guys.. ehehehe.. well most of them are cute.. ehehe ephie ada poto loh sama mreka... ada ko ciek, yang dulu ndut pas di melben n skr jadi kurusss bangett n ganteng... trus ada ko stephen yang dulunya ganteng, skr jadi jelek gara2 his 80s styleee... ngak pas banget.. semuanya keluarga tinggi2 banget dee.. ephie lom ada poto ma david n ivon sih.. besok aja de kalo sempet ntar.. ehehe.. si david tinggi 185, ko phen 183, ko ciek 178... ahhaha gilaa kelas berat semuaaaa.... biarin ah.. yang penting ephie ambil poto bedua2 sama ko phen n ko ciek.. ehahea dan ephie di rangkull.. bwakakaka... sampe sampe maminya david bilang 'waahh ephie kalo poto2 terus, ntar dikira punya banyak fans.. ahaha ato malah2 bisa pacar' ehaoheoahoaeoae enak donk klo gitu mah.. trus ada lagi om nya ephie bilank gini 'ntar kalo jalan2 di mol bareng para koko, seneng deh lu... bukan raja tapi ratu minyak' hahahaha nguaaaaakak semuanyaa.. tapi emank bner juga seh.. bener bener banyak style deeh mreka ini...

ah udah... need to go back to sleep.. besok harus bangun pagi ke sby.. eheh tar arus tanya2 sama SPB nya, soalnya ada 1 yang lumayan.. moga2 yang dibawa sama pak johan salesnya tu tenglang n cakep.. ahha jadi ephie bisa semangat n bisa sekalian cuci mata.. ahaha... yah moga moga aja semuanya berjalan dengan lancar dan sukses... eehhee.. kalo sukses, kita dapet untung, langsung de buka kamar di sheratonn! ahahhaa.... nice nice nice... ntar sebtu anak anak pada dateng smuaa... nonik, sinyo, alvin, celine, daven, n meme... hehe bakal kek ngajar anak anak skola minggu gitu.. masi kecil2.. ehehehe....

yah udah.. good luck for me and my company for the pameran!

tangga and lily allen

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 15:17:38 GMT

cinta begini
by: tangga

aku bisa terima meski harus terluka..
karena ku terlalu mengenal hatimu..
aku telah merasa dari awal pertama..
kau takkan bisa lama berpaling darinya..

ternyata hatiku benar..
cintamu hanyalah sekedar 'tuk sementara..

akhirnya kita harus memilih satu yang pasti..
mana mungkin terus jalani cinta begini..
karna cinta tak akan ingkari, takkan terbagi..
kembali lah pada dirinya..
biar ku yang mengalah..
aku terima..

ku tak bisa terima bila terus tak setia..
mengkhianati dia.. menduakan cinta..

ternyata hatiku benar..
cintamu hanyalah sekedar 'tuk sementara..

akhirnya kita harus memilih satu yang pasti..
mana mungkin terus jalani cinta begini..
karna cinta tak akan ingkari, takkan terbagi..
kembali lah pada dirinya..
biarku yang mengalah..
aku terima..

(biar semua aku tlah kecewa)
(biar aku pergi obati luka ini perih ini sendiri)

akhirnya kita harus memilih satu yang pasti..
mana mungkin terus jalani cinta begini..
karna cinta tak akan ingkari, takkan terbagi..
(cinta tak akan terbagi)
kembali lah pada dirinya.. (kembali lah)
biar ku yang mengalah.. (biar ku yang mengalah)
(kembali lah) biar ku yang mengalah..
aku terima..

smile
by: lily allen

When you first left me
I was wanting more
But you were fucking that girl next door
What'cha do that for? (What'cha do that for?)

When you first left me
I didnt know what to say
I've never been on my own that way
Just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end

Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and
a moan
And it's only because you are feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

Whenever you see me
You say that you want me back (Want me back)
And I tell you it don't mean jack (It don't mean jack)
No it don't mean jack (No it don't mean jack)

I couldn't stop laughing
No I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health
I was quite unwell

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end

Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and
a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

At first when I see you cry (When I see you cry)
It makes me smile (It makes me smile)
Yeah it makes me smile (Yeah it makes me smile)
At worst I feel bad for a while (I feel bad for a while)
But then I just smile (But then I just smile)
I go ahead and smile (I go ahead and smile)
lalalalalalalalalalalalal

At first when I see you cry (When I see you cry)
It makes me smile (It makes me smile)
Yeah it makes me smile (Yeah it makes me smile)
At worst I feel bad for a while (I feel bad for a while)
But then I just smile (But then I just smile)
I go ahead and smile (I go ahead and smile)

damn rite this songs....

moving on..

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 13:56:11 GMT

Dia masi belon ngabarin… huh… keknya omongan anak anak pada bener de.. klo dia cuman maen maen… damnit… putus pake alesan ortu adalah salah satu alesan dia doank… ditambah lagi, dia bilank masi saying ma ephie.. keknya ga mungkin banget… sayang ma mantan yang iye kale… ce memet and some of my close friends told me, kalo misalnya dia tuh ngak worth it…

then, who is worth it for me?

Kata mreka, putus pake alesan masi sayang, berarti dia bener bener pengen putus en ngak ada feeling, cuman ngak mo buat orank sakit ati doank kan… trus dengan dia ngak kontek ephie waktu dah balik indo… hmm.. tambah de, berarti dia bener bener ngak mo kontek… petama dia ndiri yang bilank jangan ampe musuhan…. Tapi klo kek gini sapa yang mulai? Duh lama lama ephie bisa bener bneer benci ma dia de… bener bener ngak bisa nyangka kalo dia orank nya kek gitu.. kirain, dia anak yang baek, sabar and pengertian.. nyatanya kok kek gini? Yah ternyata omongan ephie bener juga de.. ephie ngak bakal bisa perna balik sama co yang uda putus… kirain ephie bisa rada kalem dikit gituh… bisa lebih ‘open’ or ‘lunak’ dengan bisa balik ma dia kalo misalnya urusan udah beres semua.. tapihh… ini apa apaann kek gini.. buat orank tambah bete aja tiap ari…

Beteeeee banget dee….

Ngapain juga ephie mikirin knaapa dia ngak kontek ephie, ngapain juga mikir apa bener dia kemaren ini bener2 sayang sama ephie? Semuanya kok jadi pada diraguin? Yah biarpun ephie pengen nyesel udah sayang sama dia, tapi yah mo gimana lagi.. ngak mungkin donk nyesel…. Toh juga ephie having fun juga while with him… yah walopun tiap kali ada sms masuk ephie masi berharap itu dia, tapi ephie harus stop kayak gitu!

Dia bener bener ngak ngerti perasaaan orank de… ephie aja tu, sebelon jadian kan banyak noh sms yang ada flirt2 nya, ato foto2 sama mantan gitu, nahh itu sejak jadian sama dia, ephie buang semuanya! Disobek2, ada yang ephie sobek depan dia malahan… trus, knapa dia ngak bisa gituh? Padahal poto2 yang punya ephie tuh, ephie bener bener simpen dalam buku en ephie sampe lupa kalo ada poto d situ, waktu bongkar2 baru inget ada poto then ephie buang.. sedangkan dia, di computer masi ada poto2 mantan….poto stiker di tempelin di laptop dia tu.. trus hp yang dia bawa juga ada poto stikernya.. trus hp satunya ada foto mantan jadi wallpaper.. ephie mo minta dia suruh lepasin kok ya nga enak… ephie maunya dia dengan kesadaran ndiri.. eee nyatanya ngak bisa.. ya udah lah.. mo gimana lagi.. ephie tahanin aja dulu tuh… tapi yah udah lah toh dia emank bukan buat ephie… moga moga aja ini jadi pelajaran dee…. Skr dimata ephie, dia jadi jelek deh inside nya…

Ephie uda ngak ngurus de, ntar ephie dikira apa.. maen maen tah apa pokoknya ephie kesel banget uda sama dia… ngak mo tau orank anggep ephie anaknya kek gimana.. habis manis sepah dibuang tah ato apa lah.. tapi ini ephie ngak buang malahan… hahaha… parah…

Biar bisa ngelupain dia, temen temen ephie bilank kalo ephie arus mikir jelek jelek nya dia….ntar kalo misalnya uda cool down en bener bener move on.. baru dikenang de… haha… kaya lagunya samsons kenangan terindah tuu… Contohnya, kita kalo ngomonk kadang ngak bisa nyambung.. dia ngomonk ini ephie ngomonk itu. Trus bisa diem diem an… trus juga dia tuh anak nya cueekk banget… bener bener cuek… makan ati kena cuek dia.. yah sebage temen kalo temen ngak pulank ampe jem 1 malem, kan at least kuatir toh.. lha ini sebage pacar aja kaga kuatir.. ya tau aja kalo dia banyak tugas and stuffs, masa sms cuman semenit aja ga bisa? Keterlaluan banget… trus juga kalo ephie lagi crita apa gitu, dianya kaya diem2 doank, trus katanya dia dengerin, pas giliran ephie minta respon, kadang kasi kadang ngak menuhin apa yg ephie expect.. masa dia bener bener ngak tau situasi ephie she?? Masa separah itu?? Trus masalah sms an ma mantan.. duh udah lah.. uda cape ephie ngomongin.. uda sampe berbusa busa pun dia ngak bakal ngerti feeling ephie kek gimana… ampe males ngomongin gituan…. Yah moga moga aja dia ama future pacarnya bisa lebih ngerti dee… ato maybe back to his ex… hahaha… if he is, im gonna laugh like shit…

Saking ephie sebel banget, ephie sampe bisa mikir, apa mungkin si dia maenin ephie? Mo kasi ephie pelajaran supaya ephie nga maen maen in cowo lagi? Nga gampang putus sama cowok? Dia tau ephie gampang banget mutusin cowo… tapi masa dia bisa sampe segitunya yah? Mungkin aja kali yah? Toh kata orang ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’.. ternyata itu bener bener dee… ephie kira dia orank nya kek gini tapi juga buntutnya kek gitu… aizzz…. Ngak tau de ephie bakal bisa mulai pecaya lagi ma cowo ato ngak… toh ephie udah mulai blajar ke dia, tapi yah dianya kek gitu… huh… feel betrayed ngak sih?

Huuuhhh betee.. my life is really complicated de.. kena masalah nya dia, trus juga di rumah juga banyak masalah…. Ephie benter lagi arus jaga pameran di sby… dah lah moga mgoa ephie bisa ngelupain semuanya pas pameran.. toh juga ntar ephie suruh temen2 ephie dateng ke pameran semuanya.. ahha biar ephie bisa cuci mata… trus ephie juga minta riadi.. keke.. si koko kembar buat dateng… kangeen pengen liat dia lagih.. yang awalnya ephie kenal sama papi rio, kembarannya… nda tau knapa ephie panggil dia papi, abis lucu.. ternyata temennya si yohan dudud.. ehhe jadi ntar moga2 bisa ketemu dee…

well its time for me to move on and get a new life, new school, new environment (new apartment later on in march or april), and new friends….. this is some kind of a deja-vu for me… I’ve been saying those lines over and over again every year!!! From local school to Canadian school, from Canadian school to CIC, from CIC to deakin, from deakin to holmes… welll that’s funny rite?

In time like this, I miss those CIS times… where malin vinesh lee and juz wud listen to all my crap… well mostly vinesh and malin tho… hehe… and juz wud support me in some way.. which I find it good and funny.. yeah juz… hehe sorri yaa.. tapi bener de.. kalo loe ngomonk itu lucu… sama kek Olivia, antusias bangett…. Desperadoooo…. Alalalalalala…. Hahaha…. Yah gitu… well… happy belated beday to vinesh… omg I completely forgot bout his bday.. I bet he and mal made a bet about me again.. cuz, I made a bet with malin on vinesh for forgetting his bday… and now I forgot about vinesh bday.. duuh…

Im not sure where I read this sentence ‘If only I could choose, I choose a live before I met you’ or something like that…

accident happens

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 06:15:23 GMT

today we had a little accident… this is because of the government who wants to built a flyover in a small road… papi accidently nyenggol orank naek sepeda motor… cowo sama cewe gitu.. cowonya yang ngerasa kesakitan.. trus kita bilang maaf dan akhirnya jalan aja.. trus orang itu malah mukulin kaca mobill… I was so scared…. Trus kita laju aja.. ephie bener bener kaget ngak bisa ngapa ngapaen…. Trus uda di jalan, dianya masih aja ngikutin kita… mukul kanan kaca.. trus kita biarin, akhirnya dia mukul kiri… trus akhirnya kta berhenti.. abis berhenti ada orank yang bantuin.. kirain udah selese masalahnya…. Eeh nyatanyaa dianya malah ngelaju en duluin kita trus dianya mukul2 kaca lagih… duh takudnyaa….. akhirnya kita berhenti.. trus yah kita ndak buka pintu, cuman jendela aja… trus dia suruh kita turun n nyelesain… he said to my parents ‘GO AND DIE!!’ my mum n dad can only say sorry.. they promised to take care of his medical bills, but he refused… my mum really panicked and then there are lots of people looking at us…. She wanted to call a cop, but there is none around.

For a moment I really thot that he;s goin to hit my dad… my hands were numb as well as my feet… I cant move them cant even say a word…. Im useless…. Im crying inside… after a few minutes and let go of his anger, he finally let it go… thank God that his wife or friend was with him to stop him and calm his temper… we were so scared… dia suruh kita ke angkatan laut, I guess he;s one of them… I hate Indonesian natives.. they are scary.. even tho some of them are nice people. Call me racist, call me discrimination, but I finally say I hate those Indonesian native people… those indo muslims who had caused so much problem…

this kinds of things, I wanted to share with someone, my fears and feeling, esp him… but theres no one I can talk to anymore… he’s gone from my life… everytime I need him, I need his shoulder to cry on or his support, he’s always not there for me.. like now, even tho he’s back in indo, he didn’t even tell me or give any news… I wanted to talk to him, try to be open with him about all… but I guess he wud never come back… from the moment I went out with him, I thot I have to take care of him, and try to be open, his patience moved me… but I guess kesabaran orank itu terbatas… ephie kiraa dia yang bisa jadi orang yang ngajarin ephie ttg hal hal yang ngak bisa diajarin oleh temen… tapi ternyata dia malah pegi…

he;s not part of my life anymore… and the thoughts of having him by my side for all my problems and help me sort it out, be a shoulder for me to cry on, support me when I feel useless, get me back in the track when im lost, makes me smile when im sad, are all vanished just like that… he wud never come back to me.. again… why does he have to leave me?

I thot its just because that our relationship is boring… but it turns out different. This is because of my own problems… jealousy, hatred, and anger towards his ex that ruins our relationship.. but in the other hand, I cant take it anymore..

My heart is broken. Some part of me has let him go, let him be with her, and the other part of me that still love him, hate him and myself… strange? Yeah… I hate him for choosing her instead of me… i dont know what part of her that meks him special.. and what part of me is not... correction to myself? situation like this I guess I wud never ever be able to forgive him.. even tho I know that there are some of it are my fault.. welll I guess im just a selfish bitch who never look into my own fault instead of blaming others…but there is only one thing i know.. im hurt, deeply hurt, i thot i trusted him but, he's just another guy who cant understand other people feelings...

I missed being with him but I guess im not that kind of person who’ll forgive a person easily. Even tho im desperate for having him back in my life, it wud be a torture for me..

My aunt told me, I should be grateful for what happened… she told me that God has opened my eyes by breakin up with him, to tell me that he’s not the one for me.

I know that he wudnt be able to accept my statement.. but this is what I feel, im sorry for not knowing how u feel about me and give statements like these… I think I made up a decision, I’ll just move on… even if I know that I still cant let him go, I have to pretend that I am.. I’ll just have to be strong, there are lots of people still cares for me…

I really hope this experience will teach me something about guys… well as for now, I dun think I can trust guys who wants to talks about having a serious relationship. I dun think I wud be able to trust any guys… Im sorry, but as time goes by, I hope I can gain my trust.

Thank you for being one of the colour in my life…

drink drank drunk....

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:14:10 GMT

I didnt know what I shud do... I got a really big headache.. migraine I guess... and so i took panadol, then later that nite, I'm stil so stressed.... I drank a glass of wine... without thinking further, I take one more panadol....

I'm not supposed to take those... I know I;m crazy..

Thats what i really did.... and i dunno what im thinking... 10mins after taking panadol, i drank a 50ml bottle of gordon gin with 37.5% alcohol..

Thank God im not dead...

I've only been thinking about who is wrong and who is correct... but then one guy said to me, 'ga penting sapa seng bener apa sapa seng salah, seng penting: you have to do what's best for you. you have to take care of yourself because no one will'. thats true... no one will take care of me if i dun take care of myself... thanks for the advice...

breaking up really sux

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 13:52:13 GMT

I miss him so much… deep down inside, I real dun wanna break up with him. but its just that I cant bear my feeling when he’s still in contact with her…. It realy hurts, my heart… I never felt like this for break ups… there are quite a few break ups I’ve been thru, but this is the worst… to know that he chooses her over me, its really stinks… but hey, I love him no matter what… even though its not going to be a happy ending as I often dreamt of, finally I found someone that I can be really in love with.

I believe karma does exist.

It makes me happy that I’m actually not a cold hearted person who always ditch people and treat people, who loves me, like shit.. I’m sorry for guys who have been heart broken because of me… now I know how it feels…

Some part of me, really hoped that we can be together again when we’re back in Oz, because there is only one thing that lead this, long distance… I know some of you already know that long distance really sux, but still I thought that I can handle it… truth is, I cant… I’ve had quite a few long distance relationships before, it doesn’t turn out great, but maybe that’s because I didn’t trust them or even more, myself.. I always come up with a theory, if you wanna do a long distance relationship; you have to have a serious relationship with your partner first for at least 3 months to get to know each other more deeper. By then, you’ll know a lil bit more of your partner and you trust them even more than before.

Well.. for me, I had quite serious relationships, we talked about our feelings, situation, my friends, and his friends (especially his ex) and future a bit. We are quite satisfied with what we’ve discussed about, so we have-had a long distance relationship because I had to go back home. The first few weeks its been great… but there’s only one day, that changed everything, my trust and feeling for him. im not sure about his, but im really sure about mine.

The day where his ex comes into our relationships again.. well she did came into our relationship before, but I thought I get over it already. This time, she was begging and crying. I was worried. What happened if he feel sympathy and his feeling for her is coming back? all those sweet memories are suddenly coming back.. ALL of them.. That’s gonna be a really huge problem isn’t it? He’s such a nice guy, he always take care of his friends, and so he took care of his so-emotional-ex. From this, i knew that he didnt know what are my worries for him. That’s pissing me off. I told him and told myself that she wanted to destroy us, and then I told him that I wont let her do it.. And now, I prove her right…She won…

To my surprise, most of my friends thought that it was my fault, but some of them don’t think it was my fault. Those who thought that I was my fault, said that he already done soo much to makes me believe that there is nothing going on with him and his ex, but just because of my jealousy and my low self esteem makes my brain twisted. Saying that he still cared for her and he doesn’t have a strong backbone to decide who is he prioritized (of course it was me but im not statisfied).. I couldn’t control my feeling of anger, jealous, hate and temper, so I blast. Screw up the whole thing. And for those of my friends who is in favor of me, they told me that he is not good enuff for me… who is good enuff for me if I kept pushing people away when I like them? Also the truth that he chose to break up with me because he couldn’t leave his ex alone is one of the reason they hate him…

and there is one more suggestion that my friends made. they ask me to go and make friends with his ex.. are they really out of their mind? im not sure what i shud do.. but when they told me the reason, i was moved. but stil making friends with her? what happens to the 'exgf will never be friends with current girlfriends'?? they told me to make friends with her so that she knows if he really falls in love with me (if we're still together). its kinda insane but thats what has been on my mind these few days.. dammit.. what is wrong with my brain? does the feeling of broken heart can twist your brain around?

im insane.. i know!

The other evil side of me is happy.. well people are always having their evil side… and here is mine. Somehow I feel relieved after saying my true feelings for him… is it because I already feel uncomfy with our relationship where we got nothing to say about and it starting to become a ‘boring’ relationship, or is it because I hate the fact that he cant leave his ex just like that and me, always trying to hide the fact that I actually hurt. Its funny that I don’t really know my feeling… but its also sad at some point. *sigh*

Well… its all over now… we broke up in our exactly 3-months relationship.. I cant believe it has been 3 months already. Or was it 4 months? 2 months to go for proving that I really love him, but things turn out differently, and I guess In his eyes, im just the kind of girl who likes to play around with people’s feeling.. it is because that I never had a relationships more than a month, but now I do have, even its only 4 months. no other choice, I just have to accept the fact of what he said before.. I’m a playgirl and never be able to take relationship seriously. His worried of me playing him has come true (at least for him and those who don’t know me)..

I know im kinda weird, people who knows me really well, would noe the truth whether I really like him or its just one of my sling, to fill up my loneliness. What I do know and really sure is that I do love him. but hey, that’s only me, I don’t know bout other people, they might think that I’m just fooling around… I know some of them called me a ‘cold-hearted-bitch’.. that’s for them to decide… well… what I can do now is just keep my memories with him, in my heart. Thank you for all the things that you’ve taught me (its kinda a lot) and for taking good care of me while we’re together.

I guess there is nothing that we can do to make this work.. even tho he always told me that the other side of him still loves me and the other side feel bored, i really dont know how i shud i react to that.. happy? sad? or even angry?

I miss you. I really do…

im a coward....

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 15:02:36 GMT

Ephie ngak tau deh.. apakah ini jalan yang bener… kita decide to take a break… soalnya feeling kita ngak sama kek yang dulu lagi.. dia juga bilank kalo feeling dia juga ngak sama kayak dulu lagi… ephie bingung de.. kok bisa jadi kek gini seh kita ini..

Ephie emank udah ngerasain kalo relationship kita emank rada hambar.. for example, kalo di telpon, kita bisa diem dieman.. ngak tau mo ngomonk apa.. soalnya jawaban nya sudah pada tau semua.. selalu sama ampir tiap ari ngak ada bedanya… yah yang pasti lama lama jadi bosen deh kita….

Trus kena masalah si dewi.. aduuhh.. bener bener dee… ngak tau knap im really pist… its not like we cant get along, but im just scared that whenever theres a msg from her, he wud remember their old memories…. Arghh.. bete banget dee… mesti kepkiran gitu… nah skr kalo misalnya km udah jadian lamaaa gitu… trus tiba2 putus… putusnya baek baek gituh… jadi setelah putus masi kontek2.. trus kalo misalnya kontek2 mulu, apa cewenya ngak mikir, ‘knapa ni co masi ngeladenin gw yah? Berarti dia masi ada feeling ma gw donk?’ nah kalo kek gini ce nya kan pasti malah lebih determined to chase him… trus kalo cowonya ngak punya pendirian tegas, ntar jatuh lagi donk…. Arghhh……

Trus ephie minta supaya Hansen ngak kontek2 sama mantannya itu…. dia bilang bisa tapi pasti ada hal yang ngak enak.. jadi bottom line, dia ngak bisa… alesanya ngak bisa ngeliat orank lain menderita… masa dia ngak tau sih, kalo ephie udah minta kaya gitu en dianya ngak bisa, berarti ephie kan udah ngerasa ngak enak dari awal donk… kalo dah dari awal, trus di pendem2 ndiri.. yang sakit sapa? Ephie kan? Katanya ngak bisa ngeliat orank menderita, tapi knapa malah buat pacar sendiri menderita dan mantan ngak menderita.. I know it sounds unfair, but that’s what I feel… Masa gini aja dia ngak tau…. Bukan maksut nyindir nyindir.. tapi ini kenyataan… ephie pengen banget ngomongin tuntas masalah ginian tapi ephie ngak bisa.. ngak punya nyali… pengecut.. bisanya diblakang aja… makanya ephie tulis di sini… dalem ati ephie pengen tanya dia… minta dia mutusin untuk milih sapa… milih ephie tapi ngak bole kontek sama sekali sama mantan (ephie tau kalo milih ephie berarti ada rasa kepaksa tapi ephie ga punya other choice) atau, milih mantan en putus sama ephie…. But guess what… I dun think I have the guts to say it in front of him….

Trus Hansen juga ada tanya, knapa pacar ngak bisa get along with ex gf… yah jawabanya udah di depan mata gitu loh.. pasti gara2 cemburu2an gitu lah.. kalopun misalnya ada yang bisa like what his ex and 1st ex, 2nd ex pasti ada rasa cemburu en ga enak.. tapi yah mo gimana lagi kan.. temen aja… tapi laen donk sama ephie… lha wong ex petama ngak perna minta balik waktu Hansen jadian sama ex ke 2 kok… yah ex ke 2 mah tenang2 aja kali… lha kalo in my situation…. Mantan nya ini nangis2 ampe gimana banget de pengen balek ama Hansen… gimana ngak keki en takut…. Uda tau dikejer juga masi ngeladenin sms2an… yah walopun sekedar temen… gitu masi juga brani banding2in ephie sama mantan nya itu…. Gilaakk.. ephie tau gitu langsung ada yang nanceep… bener bener dee.. ini pertama kalinya dia banding2in ephie gitu… sekali bandingin nancep nya amit amit….

ephie curhat ke temen2 ephie ttg rasa pengecutnya ephie… ada 1 yang bilang, ‘todays problem is todays only, let tommorows problems, be tommorrow's’. katanya quoted from the Bible but I forgot to ask which one was it… dia kasi kata2 itu soalnya dia tau ephie takud akan apa yang bakal terjadi selanjutnya….trus dia juga bilank suruh ephie renungin kata kata ini "u are what u are and what u do will determines what ahead of u".

now I need to clear my head… preparing for what im gonna do with myself, and surroundings…

singapore memories...

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 15:25:35 GMT

I'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love
But to you I gave my affection right from the start
I have a lover who loves me, how could I break such a heart
Yet still you get my attention

Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles enough
Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone
Make me lie and I don't want to
And make someone else some kind of unknowing fool
You make me stay when I should not
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me
Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by
But I need to see you
And I need to hold you, tightly

Feeling guilty, worried, waking from tormented sleep
This old love has me bound but the new love cuts deep
If I choose now, I'll lose out, cause one of us has to fall
And I need you, and you

Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles enough
Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone
Make me lie and I don't want to
And make someone else some kind of unknowing fool
You make me stay when I should not
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me
Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by
But I mean to see you
And I mean to hold you, tightly

this song reflects me in some way... except for the part falls in and quickly out of love.. well.. i have a bf already, he's far from me... first, things are going well fromt the start sampe ada masalah pas udah balik indo... distance between us made me realize that his feedback for me aren't the same as what i expected. and then aku mulai ngerasa nga cocok ituh pas masalah si dewi telp hansen buat minta balik en nangis2 bilang kalo dia ngak jadi ke oz gara2 hansen. the thing that ticks me off is that his reaction... reaksi si hansen nyatain kalo dia masi care sama dewi. yah dari situ ephie udah ngak perna nyinggung2 dewi lagi.. soalnya berantemnya udah pasti gede2an trus juga yah keknya ephie juga tau result nya gimana... ce sisil aja bilang, klo udah pacaran pasti ngak bakal bisa ilank deh feeling nya.. tadi ephie baca koran.. trus di koran bilang kalo misalnya pacaran putus baek baek2, good memories pasti bakal di simpen rapi2 en ngak bakal di lupain.. thats what i feel about them... apalagi kalo cowonya baek, cewe nya pasti nyari molo.. nah udah kebukti kann.. si dewi masi nyari2 si hansen en si hansen juga keknya masi ada care sama si dewi... well semuanya udah lumayan jelas.. tapi ephie juga masi ga rela ngelepasin hansen.. jadi mo ngak mao harus di keep dulu.. sampe ephie tenang lagih....

but it turns out different way... out of nowhere, si an an muncul di singapur... all the good memories and rasa kangen yang ngak perna kesampean en ilank sendiri, suddenly balik semuanya when i see him... i was so happy.... the happiness that i feel, i cant measure it... i wonder if the feeling is the same as when hansen told me his feeling... im so happy... i smiled the whole day i dont really know what we shud talk about.. he changed so much.. from a boy to a matured guy.. he was born in 13th september 85... i still remember his bday... haha.. i know he's kinda surprised but hey, i really do remember... biarpun dulu kita perna lost kontek, tapi ephie masi suka sama dia stiap kali dia ultah, dalem ati ephie selalu inget kalo itu ultah si an an... trus juga ephie juga masi kangen2 dia.. tapi kangen nya ngak perna kesampean... perasaan yang ephie rasain dulu waktu masi deket sama dia dan dia masi di singapur, kembali semuanya kemaren... hati ephie berdebar debar kalo ngeliat dia... ephie bisa ngerasain kalo misalnya ephie lagi ngomonk, dia ada merhatiin soalnya ephie juga gitu, kalo dia lagi ngomonk, kadang2 ephie ngeliatin dia... beda banget dan tambah cakep de.. ephie bener bener jadi luluh.... an an skr sudah kerja, dia punya travel agent di samarinda.. dia tinggal di samarinda, bukan di berau lagi. jadi kalo ilank, en mo cari dia lg gampang.. ngak bener bener lost kayak dulu.. kalo dulu bener bener ilang kayak ngak ada trace sama sekali.. kayak orank ngak perna kenalan gitu... ephie sedih banget.. tapi kemaren di mt e, ephie bener bener senenggg banget.... model si an an skr tuh kayak metrosexual gtuh.. suka dandan haha... dia kemaren ini pake baju nya keren sekali... kayak orank korea.. pake baju lengen panjang warna putih trus pake rompi v neck, celana panjang kayak orank kerja dan ada stripes nya, then pake sepatu fantoufel... bener bener tipe ephie banget de... skr ephie udah punya cowok, ephie kalo bisa ngak ngomonk ma hansen dulu ttg ini, kalo ngak ntar dia sakit ati ato gimana gitu. tapi ephie tetep masi seneng sama an an... ephie bisa poto stiker sama si an an aja bisa senenggg bangettt... klepak klepek kayak ikan di luar air.. eehehe.. kita ada poto bedua.. tapi mungkin emank ngak jodo, potonya ngak jadi semuanya... cman ada 1 thok.. itu aja poto kecil... soalnya ce nelty salah pencet2.. jadi yah ngak dapet apa apa deh... tapi tetep aja ephie ada poto sama dia bedua.. walopun juga betiga sama ce nelty, ephie masi seneng ajaa.... kayaknya ephie masi bisa inget2 dia lewat foto yang paleng baru ini.. soalnya ephie punya poto yang udah lama banget... dari taon 01, udah 6 taon umur potonya.. hehe ephie kalo kangen cuman bisa liat itu aja... itu aja poto dia kecill.. dan dia selalu ada di deket ephie kalo poto... di samping, depan ato blakang ephie yang dulu.. kalo skr seh yah ada beragam2 deh.. ntar potonya ephie bakal scan.. trus gedein n print taruh di dompet ephie.. bisa poto bareng an an, udah jadi hadiah ephie en ephie paleng seneng... moga moga ngak bakal lost kontek lagi sama an an...

jadi, apakah ini yang dimaksut cinta lama bersemi kembali alias CLBK?

an an selalu muncul di saat saat yang nggak tepat... pertama kali lost kontek en found him again, ephie lagi anterin koko ke rumasakit, itu ketemu cuman sekali aja... trus dah gitu ngilang lagi... skr ketemu lagi pas ephie udah punya cowok, ketemu jg di ruma sakit lagi.. bener bener dee... an an kayaknya tau kalo si ephie suka sama dia... tapi dia pura pura ngak tau dan diem aja.. tapi who knows sih ya... ephie aja bingung dulu suka sama an an karena apa... mungkin anton juga bener dulu ephie shared good memories with him, trus dah gitu dia ilank en ngak kesampean lagi, skarang uda nemu lagi, jadi memories itu balik lagih kalo sama2 dia... mungkin ntar bakal ilang lagi de... ephie ngak mau keilangan 2 2 nya... menurut ephie seh its best to just keep the feeling to myself as what i have done before, buried the feeling deep down in my heart and still go on with hansen... i know i cant have both.. but if i let hansen go and an an too.. im the one who'll become miserable..
tapi ampe skr ephie masi belon nemuin cinta yang bener bener sampe mati gitu.. cinta sama 1 orank en ngak bakal bisa ngelirik yang laen.. knapa ephie ngak isa kek gitu? apa sayang nya ephie ke hansen itu kurang? tapi ephie cuman ngerasa gini aja.. anton mungkin bener lagi, ephie cuman suka pas ngejer n dikejer... kalo ephie di kejer, dan ephie juga suka, psti dapet nya ituh gampang, tpi dengan gitu ngak ada fun nya dunk... boring gituh mnurut ephie.. asal tu cowo bisa gaet ephie setelah jadian... bagi ephie keknya gaet buat jadi pacar dan gaet hati stlh pacaran itu beda de... tapi ngak tau lagi seh ya.... ephie keknya juga lebih seneng ngejer.. soalnya kalo misalnya ngejer en cowonya susah dapetin, trus akhirnya dapetin, ephie bisa seneng banget.. dan setelah jadian, cowonya yang gantian harus ngejer ephie.. ahah.. aneh kan? emank aneh tapi itu yang ephie rasain.. kayak hansen, mungkin ephie yang maju duluan, trus setelah jadian, hansen nya malah ga ngapa2in.. diem gitu ajah.. dah yakin juga kalo ephie bener bener suka kecantol sama dia... emank sih ephie petama2 kecantol..
tapi kalo terus2an kek gini, ephie kan juga capek.. kok keknya ngak ada fun nya lagih.. kayak yang hansen ngomonk, hubungan kita skr ini udah mulai kerasa hambar.. no more sparks between us... maybe because of the distance i hope... now i dont know what shud i do with my feeling and problems... i dun wanna lie to hansen, yet in other hand, i dun wan him to know bout this.. i guess lets see how im goin to handle it..

my stories are complicated.. isn't it?

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 02:28:02 GMT

back in indo.... aahh so bored... missed him sooo very much... huu.... but sometimes he really can get into my nerve... i guess he was rite, it is hard.... arghh.... knapah yah cowok kok ngak bisa ngertiin cewe banget2... huuu coba kalo ada.. it wud be perfect... ehehe... but in fact there are none.... huu... palenge nge bete in tuh kalo misalnya sms ngak di bales... trus ngak tau kalo orank lagi bete... en ngak peduli cewe nya lagi ngapaen... huhhhhh bete bete bete.... for me, he's half perfect.... cueknya amit amit... even his ex said it... arghh.....

duuhh ephie bete banget de kalo liat fs nya dia.... ga tau knapa.. males aja... bisa bete bete nidir kalo liat.... apa gara2 masi ada testi dari dia yah? yang ada fotonya.... huuuuuh... bener bener de.. bisa beteee githuu..... duuhh klo ephie ngak bisa ilangin ni feeling... takudnya ntar ephie udah capek... and ngak tau apa yang akan terjadi after that... pheww..... kok dia ngak ngerasain yah??

eniwei... i had my dental surgery yesterday... ehehe... it was damn bloody painful.. but it is for awhile only tho... after that it didnt feel anything at all... hehehe... but still its really bloody... everytime i spit.. i spit blood... ahahhaa... how cool is that huh? ehehe... oh eyeah.. and and i got 4 stitches... muahauhauha... thats really cool yea? ehaoheoa... i know im crazy kekeke....

today my paretns and my bro is goin to sby i think.. my nephew need to get an operation because of his elbow... thats really sux... i dun really like his mum in some ways.. its not my judgement tho, she cant take care of her own children esp alvin... and now i have to babysit celine, his younger sis... i dunno if that wud be the best idea or not... hahaha i have my temper... kekekeke..m uahaahha... dun get me wrong... i LOOOOOve children.. but still....

eniwei... i hav to go back home now... babysitting starts now....

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 15:15:53 GMT

im soooooooo farking pist with everything and everyone..... including me!!!!!!!!!!!! FARK OFF phie!

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 00:51:57 GMT

aight.. stop thinkin bout it nemore... summer is comin.. arghh.. woke up at 7 this mornin.. its so bright... sun come up too early.. arghh... its still 1045!!! arghhh time is running so slow....

crazy....

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 01:14:13 GMT

just got in the phone with mum and dad... things are alrite down there.... just that why everytime im on the phone with them, we got into a fight.. this time is about my bro... ive been planning my trip from perth to singapore en jkt but its all ruined because of him... my mum wanted me to go back with him and take care of me.. why is that always me who take care of him.. why not he take care of me... i supose.. i had to 'mengalah'... i dont know how to face elin n nana now.. i dunno what to say to them.. i dunno how im goin to explain it... guess what... crying is my specialities... so im just gonna cry and think about it... shit... so many things is goin on in my head.... am i goin crazy??

the good and the bad...

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 23:18:45 GMT

well.. we did it... i really cant stop thinkin bout him.. man... what happened to the 'old ephie' who used to like guys and dump them if they doesnt like back?? huh? well i really dont know where she is now... what i know is that there's this girl, who cant stop thinkin about a guy who obviously like her but doesnt want her to be his gf... and the saddest thing is, she still hold on to him... that really doesnt make any sense rite?

he was askin me, how does it start... our feelings... well for me... it was the day when i got trouble about james' 'thing'... where he would comfort and be nice to me.. and for him, it is one of the day where i would ask him out.. welll my guess it was when nana was here and we went for yumcha with yudi as well.. yep.. and it was rite... he said it was one of the time where i ask him out... i ask him out only 5 times... i still can clearly remember... first, we went to watch movie fantastic 4.. it was long time ago, a year ago i think.... then secondly, watch movies when i got my exam the next day.. with yudi... we went to watch tokyo drift.. for me, its the second time... then the third time is when nana is here, we went for dim sum and later on, watch movie 'snakes on a plane'... and then, fourth, it was only me and him, we went to the ct and then back to my place and fix my computer... yep... and stayed over... oh yes, it was the day that i found out about his bday and sure about my feeling for him....

last nite.. he still say that i cant be his gf, because of the 'things'... i was soo sad... but i cudnt talk to him... he got his own problem in mind already... i just cant add it up... i just lay there again, without saying a word... well eventually i reassure him that i was okay and stilll the answer is no.. but i dunno how it start, we kissed... lolz... yes... well my mind was saying 'if i dun get any kiss tonite, i would back off and just be his 'friend' and leave him alone..' well yeah, we end up kissin.. he's really my type of guy, he didnt go exploring the whole map in my body... thats really a good sign... unlike all other guys... their hands would 'explore' the whole world... and he is so soft.. >.< aww.... hhahaha... my heart was pounding like hell... until i cudnt catch my breath, so does he... lol.. hahaha... i really liked him... really really.... but i dun think its goin to 'happen' in ours... we're just a couple without status.. yepp.. i really dont know... what was i thinkin accepting those relationship... i cant think clearly now... really... he said that he's scared... i still dun get it.. what is it that he is so scared of? commitments?? or what? or is it that i doesnt meet the 'criteria' of being his gf?? if yes, what is it??

now, does he really likes me? or no? from his expression is yes, but hey, i always wrong with my 'people's expressions reading'... i cant tell their feeling or honesty from their face.. he is one of them... it kept me thinkin... if he likes me so much, why wud he not try to work things out? im just so confused... yesterday, i gave him the juve jersey with del piero's signature on it... i know he likes it soo much, but still i really dont know is that true or what... but when i look at the jersey, there is some scratch.. im afraid that he dont like it... arghh.. what am i suppose to doo... im scared... but yesterday he really almost cried... he hasnt give me my present yet... but he said he wanna change it because it didnt match up... but it doesnt matter anymore... everything from him is acceptable.. well the most important thing is that the courage to give present... rite?

when he left for work this morning he gave me a kiss on the cheek... im so confused yet happy... i dunno why, i got out to my balcony and staring at the road and there he is, gone... and here i am... writing about things that i cudnt spit it out... its all alone again now... i dunno when he'll be back... tomorrow or weekends... just see what happened later then.... as for now, i have to clear my head so that i can think carefully what is it that i want from him and how is it goin to work out... if he still cant be my bf... well.. i dont know, i need to think of it again.... or be myself, give it up... or ngalah aja... just pretend that im a 'thing' that can talk ^^... *crossing my fingers*

fallin in love again?

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 22:53:00 GMT

ok welll life is pretty hard isnt it... mixed up feelings, not sure what to do after something happened and dont know how you feel nemore towards those complications.... im sad yet happy.. those two words doesnt get along at all.. but hey, thats really what i feel... happy because he and i finally said it and makes things clearer.. and sad, becoz nothing can be done after what we said before about our feelings...

when he said about his feelings... i feel so high up there.... my head just spinning around like a roller coaster, my thoughts are really not in order... cant even think of anything.. just the word he said and how to response it and wait for what he's gotta say... i feel like wanna talk to him.... the words are just in the tip of my tongue, but it never came out... i can feel that my face is burning like hell and my minds are just spread into pieces that it would be possible to get it organized... but finally, i've said it... i really cudnt believe that i said it...!!! i told him that i like him.. and im not sure if he's happy or not... cant really see his expression, but i get to see his smile in the dark.... a minute later, he said he's scared about this 'thing'... after what we all said... he kissed me on my forehead... for all that i can remember, no one has given me a forehead kiss except my father... that is really sweet... i can feel my face is burning and my eyes are filled with water.... with his hands strokin my face, well, pinching my cheek to be exact... its just that its too mixed up and its really complicated.... he knew that i might not take this easily, but i gotta be strong, and face it... and try to put a straight face for him when he leave this morning for work... but hey, i guess im a lousy liar... cant hide my face and my expression...

its really nothing that i can do now... crying? no use, call him? i dun wanna be the agressif type... msg him? same, too pushing.. so it just leave to 'do nothing' situation... im just curious now, what is it from me that he likes... well i always look down on myself... so, compared to his ex, who is pretty, feminim, and mature (from the way i see it in the picture i have)... im not even 'pretty', skinny, feminim and mature...im so spoiled... now, im just so confused.. well like people said, love started with many lil things from you... as a matter of fact, i do kick him, bite him and poke him a lot.... well i guess im not a human after all maybe? just some living creatures with head, hands, and feet... my guess is, it started when i gave him surprise for his bday... i went to his place at 12 at nite and bought him a small mudcake, enuff to stick candles in it.. the wind is soo strong, so, there is no blowing candles... i guess bday needs some candle blowing rite? well not sure bout this one.. so yeah, i end up stayin over at his house... we slept together but we did nothing, the bed is single bed.. and voila!! we made it thru the nite... and yes, from my view, it started from there... ^^

we are scared... we are humans, we are scared of lil thing that doesnt exist sometimes... here, im not sure if its a big thing or small thing... commitments... is that a big thing or its just a big word for every relationships taken? yes, he's scared of commitments, he said that he's got no time for bf/gf thingy, he's really got a lot of work to do... he's scared that i would feel abandoned if he's really busy with his works.... and he's scared that i might feel lonely if he's not there with me... im just so confused... and he said, that we can just be friends... why wud he think that kind of things? thats really sad for me... cuz i really dont know how to response it... its all about him, so there is nothing i can do about it.. even tho i said that we can work things out,.. he seems not that concern bout it... im just so scared... yes, me too, scared... well i got another bad news, his ex is comin next year to come and study... he assured me that it wudnt be a problem, but hey guys doesnt have instinct... do they? they are not that sensitive as we, women, are..... the moment i heard bout it, my heart just drop dead... why? because they were madly in love before... 3 years relationships and its over... how'd you feel bout that? oh yes, i forgot... trusting someone and then its just gone, right in front of your eyes... how does that feel huh? but hey, bout his problem, i never touch it... well maybe a bit, poking around here and there but... its only small things....

so yeah, im really not sure how to behave, talk or face him later... really havent got the gut to do it... but i have to be strong and show him that i can actually control my feeling.. have to! if not, it'll be gone.. byebye feeling.... the bad news is, if i dun get what i want, i might have some issue bout that... look what happened to me and james... we never talk and not even say hi nemore... did he block me? well i blocked him tho.. cuz there isnt much to say.... i just dun want to be like that for what we have now... just cant... i wish i cud hold back my feelings before... now its kinda my fault isnt it... oh wel... i just gotta have to face it... be strong phie, be strong....

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 02:27:54 GMT

its been quite a while eh... hehehe... hmm... main point is.... James got a girlfriend already... hahhaa.. ttruss keknya, waktu mreka jadian, malemnya.. accidentally bump into me.. hohoho.... i guess they gonna find it bad luck eh.. ahhaha who cares... what can i say huh? kita pada salting.. ahahhaa.. eniwei... ahh udah lah.. he's past.... we didnt talk to each other since then hahaa.. damn my eye toy and puzzle bubble is still with him... grr... ehehee...

nana is gone now... huuu... back to myself again... lonely and alone.. hahaha.... duu jadi kangen gila2an lagih.... oh we went to Great Ocean Road and Sovereign Hill, Ballarat... well... went to see the twelve apostles and london bridge in GOR... also we went to gold mine in Sovereign Hill... haha... di Great Ocean Road.... we went to ride a Helicopter!! muahahaha.. what an expirience... we went there with willie.... so three of us ride on a heli.... reallyy.. its sensational and its really wonderful the view from the top... really really great.... the onli thing that i dun understand is... kok si willie mau mau aja yah diajakin pegi2 ituh... trus diajakin naek heli juga mauu... hahaha.....

then then kita ke sovereign hill, ballarat... ma si hadi... we went to the wild life park... where the kangaroos eat and pull my scarf!!!! OMG... can u imagine that... i feed them and they pull my scarf!! luckily i get it back... huhh.... damn kangaroo... hahah but they are sooo cutee...

i feed themm...

i pet them...

and there goes my scarf... *nyam nyam nyam*

hahaha... well thats about my day tour with nana... oh ia.. nana... i introduce her to hansen n yudi.. hehehe... trus juga hari terakhir pegi makan sama hendrik.. hahahaa... the cute guy.. muaahahahhaa... aahh dodoll...

oh ia... nana waktu di melben, danny juga dateng..... hahahahah jadi pegi2 de.. trus ada dikenalin ke mikel.. yang butntutnya temen nya ce yen.. hahaha.. duh dunia kecil sekale..... well.. thats about all i think... eheehehehe more pics.. go photobucket or ephie.multiply.com